Happy or Holy – Marriage

 

 

Did God make marriage to make you happy or holy? Many will argue Holy, but remember marriage existed before the fall, so it likely had the ultimate intention of joy before it was a benefit to our holiness. Here is part of my reflection on this in my upcoming book on marriage.

“People say marriage is supposed to make you holy not happy. I absolutely hate that statement with a passion. In fact, you would be hard pressed to find a statement Christians say which I reject more strongly. I don’t think I can stress this strongly enough. Joy is meant to be an intrinsic part of marriage.

We read in Psalm 45, a wedding Psalm, this, “13 All glorious is the princess in her chamber, with robes interwoven with gold. 14 In many-colored robes she is led to the king, with her virgin companions following behind her. 15 With joy and gladness they are led along as they enter the palace of the king.” (Ps. 45:13-15). Marriage is supposed to be a place of mutual joy. If it is not, you are doing it seriously wrong.

Proverbs 5:18-19 tells us, “18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, 19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” “Rejoice”, “delight”, “be intoxicated”, these are words of joy, in fact, they are words of intense joy. Why do you think God gave Adam a woman? We know it was because there was no helper suitable for him. But it was about more than that. God wanted Adam to delight himself in the woman, and we know he did, because his immediate response was to sing the first song recorded in Scripture on encountering her, “22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Gen. 2:22-23). This is at least poetry, in Hebrew, and likely indicates that he sung. Joy has been integral for marriage from the start. Let those who say it is not that important repent, and if they will not, let them enjoy their suffering in silence.

I could share more verses. Joy is meant to be a part of marriage. If you are not feeling joy in your marriage on a regular basis you do not have a biblical marriage. Marriage is meant to make you holy and happy. Holiness, is a means to joy, it leads to happiness, “1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; 2 but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night” (Ps. 1:1-2).

If you are unhappy, that does not mean you have a right to leave, it just means you need to do some work to get back to the place where God wants you to be in your marriage: happy and holy. Don’t ever make these things opposites. True joy comes from following God’s ways.

And if you are struggling with joy in your marriage talk to someone who appears to be happy, and see if they can help you. Because you need help.”