Dealing With Emotionally Unhealthy People

 

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The key to handling emotionally unhealthy people in your life, no matter in what context, is boundaries. You rarely need to cut such people out. In fact, I would recommend in most cases you shouldn't. If you are a Christian, it is usually best to keep a door ajar for that person, in some limited capacity. Though of course, there are people who are so dangerous to your health or mental health that you need to cut them out.  

But in most cases, all you need to do is maintain strong boundaries about when they can see you, how they can see you, and what they can speak about with you. If you do this simple thing, they will usually cut themselves out of your life.

Why?

Because unhealthy people do not have good boundaries, and they expect other people to be the same way. They will interpret you asserting your boundaries as an attack on them, almost every time. They will take it as a personal slight, and that you don’t care about them enough, or you aren’t willing to do things their way. And believe me you shouldn’t do things their way. If you do, they will seek to rule over you.

On the other side, if you see someone asserting their boundaries, affirm them in that and respect those boundaries. Chances are it will grow their respect for you, and you will have a better chance of having a good friendship or good fellowship with them. You want people in your life to have good boundaries, because such people will add to your life in various positive ways.

Boundaries are a good thing. Anyone who tells you that you need to change your boundaries to suit them, is someone who is only going to cause grief in your life. You don’t need to cut them out, if you stand firm, they will often do it for you. Sometimes, they will come around and work within your boundaries. Either way you have maintained more peace and joy, than you would have gotten by giving in just for momentary peace.

Someone you trust or respect might challenge one of your personal boundaries on a matter of principle, and it is sometimes wise to hear this and consider it. But if they are doing this because it benefits them, then you will be making a big mistake to capitulate to them. If, however, they are a respected person and they are challenging you on an issue as neutral third party, you may want to think about this, and meditate about whether you need to work on a certain issue yourself. But don’t capitulate to those who are seeking to change your boundaries for their benefit. You will regret it, because they will take that as a sign that your other boundaries can be trampled. Assert your boundaries without guilt. Life has enough trouble, without allowing unhealthy people to run rampant over you.