For my entire upbringing, and up until very recently,
there has been a massive push to encourage building into people’s self-esteem
and self-image. It is everywhere. Advertising is driven towards provoking it, education
is geared towards fostering it, church teaching has leaned into it, and to
question it is not quite anathema, but puts you on the outer with many people “right”[1] thinking people.
But pushing self-esteem continually is incredibly
dangerous. It is entirely possible, in fact in truth actually quite common, for
someone to have a very “healthy” image of themselves and feel no need to make
any changes because they are content in who they are. This is one of the
downsides of self-esteem obsession, people can be caused to esteem themselves so highly
they become a stumbling block to their own ability to trust in Jesus for
salvation, or grow in the faith. Something we all need to have happen from time
to time is that our self-image is rocked and we are forced to re-calibrate it
in light of what is actually good and true.
Of course, this can go too far in the opposite direction.
Many people have been caused by all sorts of different things in their lives to
hate themselves. But the solution to this is not selflove, it is to look beyond
one’s self to something greater, better and more sure; to look to God. To know
that you are loved by God is not a reason to love yourself more, it is a reason
not to worry about how you feel about yourself, but to be more and more
concerned with conforming yourself to his image,
“1 See what kind of love the
Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we
are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2
Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared;
but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him
as he is. 3 And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure”
(1 John 3:1-3).
In fact the cure to excessive self-esteem or self-loathing
is the same thing, look outside yourself to something greater, and especially
to God. This has been a foundational part of Christianity from its beginning,
and before so in the times of national Israel. Find your joy outside yourself
in God and it will be more secure, like David did.
But much of the church has failed to point people in this
direction and in many ways has helped contribute to the self-esteem plague we
have in society today. So it is good that some people are addressing this,
“A November 23, 1995,
article by a professor/researcher in Oregon’s The Oregonian newspaper was
titled, “Note to California: Drop Self-esteem, Self-control is most important.
…” (California, with its Self-Esteem Task Force, like the leading Christian
psychologists who supported it, has unsuccessfully spent years and much money
trying to prove that self-esteem or lack of it is the key to human behavior,
especially of youth.) Based upon years of research, the article’s author
declared, “If we could cross out self-esteem and put in self-control, kids
would be better off and society in general would be much better off.”
That is precisely what the
Bible has always said. Yet psychology’s fallacious and harmful theory—that the
major problems in families, schools, and in society are caused by low
self-esteem—is the very bread and butter of the ministry of James Dobson and many
other Christian psychologists. The same is true for multitudes of pastors who
have been feeding it to their flocks for years, having been deceived by the
authoritative declarations of a host of Christian psychologists.
Paul failed so miserably in
the self-esteem department that he should have suffered from lifelong
depression and been of no use at all to God. He called himself the chief of
sinners (1 Timothy 1:15), considered himself “less than the least of all
saints” (Ephesians 3:8), unworthy to be an apostle (1 Corinthians 15:9), and
rejoiced in his weakness. Yet he claimed to be able to do “all things through
Christ” (Philippians 4:13), and through Christ to be always victorious (1
Corinthians 15:57; 2 Corinthians 2:14; Philippians 1:20, etc.). Christ told
Paul, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in
[your] weakness.” Paul’s response? “Most gladly therefore … that the power of
Christ may rest upon me. … I take pleasure in …persecutions, in distresses for
Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9–10).
What a well-deserved slap in the face to psychology, Christian and secular!
In contrast to Paul’s joy
and victory through Christ alone, many of today’s Christians put their trust in
Christ plus Christian psychology, the latter presumably able to make up for the
failings of the indwelling Christ and Holy Spirit. Its false theories and
therapies offer new comfort to the abused, confused, and depressed, making it
the fastest growing and most monetarily profitable movement the church has ever
seen. Incredibly, it is now generally accepted among evangelicals that God’s
counsel in the Bible is deficient and needs to be supplemented with psychology.
This lie has probably done more to destroy Christians’ faith in God’s Word than
anything else of Satan’s devising. Psychology is surely Satan’s master stroke
of genius!”[2]
What people would say is today’s self-esteem crisis is
much more likely driven by the obsessive quest for self-esteem, rather than any
lack of pushing people in that direction. The more anyone is directed to look
at themselves as the be all and end all of their joy, the more they are going
to find that they disappoint themselves. We human beings are fallen and broken
people, and not only do we fall short of God’s standards we fall short of our
own. We let ourselves down all the time, we simply excuse ourselves more often
than not.
It is much better to point people to self-control, rather
than self-esteem, because self-mastery can help you have both a healthier view
of yourself and a humbler view of yourself. Of course, this road can too lead
to pride, but it is a much healthier basis for a high esteem, than simply being
told by everyone else that you should think good about yourself. How can you do
this, if you have nothing objective to base it on?
Of course, you cannot stop here. To have a truly healthy
esteem of yourself, you need to learn to lean on God, trust in Jesus, and
give him the glory for who you are. This is the key to not falling into the
trap of pride. This is a delicate balance to walk, but an important one. It is
important to master yourself, to work hard, to achieve things, to build solid
relationships with other people in order to have a healthy view of yourself. But
to do so apart from God just might put you on a comfortable path to hell. There
is no doubt that many of the pharisees who opposed Jesus likely had very high
self-esteem, especially this guy,
“9 He also told this parable
to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others
with contempt: 10 “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and
the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus:
‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust,
adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give
tithes of all that I get.’ 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would
not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be
merciful to me, a sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house
justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be
humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted” (Luke 18;9-14).
A truly healthy esteem of yourself takes into account just how
much you cannot and do not compare to God, or match up to his standards. No
matter who you are, or what you have achieved. Knowing this is key to understanding
how to avoid the twin dangers of obvious pride (high self-esteem) or hidden pride
(self-loathing). You are not all that. But if you trust in Jesus you don’t have
to be, because he is and he did it for you. How is that not a reason to live in
joy?
List of References
[1] I
use it here in the sense of orthodox, or accepted, not right-wing.
[2] Hunt,
Dave; McMahon, T. A.. Psychology and the Church: Critical Questions, Crucial
Answers (pp. 226-227). The Berean Call. Kindle Edition.
