Can’t Forgive Yourself?

 

If you can’t forgive yourself, you really need to read this.

Dave Hunt[1] makes this comment on the false teaching brought into the church by psychology that we must forgive ourselves:

"Those who regard “forgiving themselves” to be more than an expression of remorse and who believe it to be a necessary condition in order to erase guilt have been duped by humanistic psychology and are ignorant of the truth. They need to be informed of the following:

 1)  We sin against God and others, and are sinned against by others. The Word directs us to ask God and others for forgiveness and to forgive them. While I may figuratively “sin against myself” in the sense that I’ve harmed myself, it is impossible to literally sin against myself since it is “myself” doing the sinning. Therefore, I have no basis for “forgiving myself.”

2)  Only God can forgive sin (Mark 2:7); only He can remove true guilt.

3)  Thinking that I must or can forgive myself is a form of self-deification, especially when one says, “I know that God forgives me, but I just can’t forgive myself.” Am I a higher authority than God?

4)  The delusion of self-forgiveness can also be a convoluted form of rebellion. It says, “Although God forgave me, I won’t forgive myself.” It says that although God will hold my sin against me no more, I’m going to hold it against me.

5)  It can also be a form of self-righteousness or pride in the sense that I have overridden God’s forgiveness with my decision that my sin is too grievous for me to forgive.

6)  Except in cases where restitution is feasible, there is little we can do about sins of the past beyond confessing them and receiving God’s forgiveness and cleansing (1 John 1:9; Psalm 51:2, 7). That’s why Paul writes, “Forgetting those things which are behind … ” (Philippians 3:13–14). Believers in Christ are to cast off any imagined bondage to the past so that they may serve the Lord with all joy and in the grace He provides."

Sometimes things sound good, they seem a little logical, because we have heard them over and over again, but upon examination they are shown to be nothing but philosophies of straw. The idea that we must forgive ourselves is among these kinds of teachings.

You not only need not forgive yourself, but you also cannot. What you can do however, is rest in the knowledge of the wonderful mercy and grace of God who will forgive you if you genuinely repent. It is not uncommon to be weighed down by something terrible you have done. David writes in the famous Psalm 51,

 “7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
    wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
    let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins,
    and blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
    and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence,
    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and uphold me with a willing spirit” (Ps. 51:7-12).

It is right, good and honourable to feel terrible about something bad you have done. It is also not wrong to be weighed down by it. But you must not stay there, you must recognize that God can wash you clean, remove that burden and help you walk in joy again. It might take some time for you to get back into this place of joy, but the only good way to do so is to keep bringing your error to God and believing his word when he says he will forgive, “9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Those who say you must forgive yourself are just sprouting well meaning nonsense. What you need to actually stop doing is punishing yourself. When God has said you are forgiven you are forgiven and nothing more is required, except to ask for the forgiveness of the one you wronged. If they want to forgive you or not is up to them, but you are not bound by their choice. You might suffer for their choice in this life, especially if you did something incredibly terrible. But you can know God has forgiven you if you truly ask for it.

List of References

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[1] Hunt, Dave; McMahon, T. A.. Psychology and the Church: Critical Questions, Crucial Answers (pp. 311-312). The Berean Call. Kindle Edition.