The parable of the prodigal son is one of the greatest and most famous accounts in the whole Bible. I think in large part because so many people can relate to it. How often have we found ourselves in need of mercy from God or others that we did not deserve?
This is a
wonderful passage for preaching against self-righteousness. For challenging
hard heartedness in long practicing believers. For lifting up the importance of
mercy and forgiveness and grace. And especially for showing the character of
God and how he will accept the repentant.
But I think
there is something in this passage just for plain old advice for family
conflict. This may not be a primary reason for this parable, as Jesus does
direct it at the Pharisees who are upset that he is associating with tax
collectors and sinners (cf. Luke 15:1), but surely it is a valid secondary
usage. Let’s read the account from Luke 15:11-32:
“11 And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. 12 And
the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property
that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. 13 Not many
days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far
country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. 14 And when
he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to
be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that
country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. 16 And he was longing to be
fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
17 “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my
father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with
hunger! 18 I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I
have sinned against heaven and before you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be
called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ 20 And he arose and
came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him
and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. 21 And the son
said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no
longer worthy to be called your son.’ 22 But the father said to his servants,
‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand,
and shoes on his feet. 23 And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us
eat and celebrate. 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was
lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
25 “Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and
drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 And he called one of the
servants and asked what these things meant. 27 And he said to him, ‘Your
brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has
received him back safe and sound.’ 28 But he was angry and refused to go in.
His father came out and entreated him, 29 but he answered his father, ‘Look,
these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you
never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. 30 But when
this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you
killed the fattened calf for him!’ 31 And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always
with me, and all that is mine is yours. 32 It was fitting to celebrate and be
glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is
found.’”
The heart of
this account is found in verse 24 and verse 32:
“24 For this
my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began
to celebrate.”
“32 It was
fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive;
he was lost, and is found.’”
With this
parable Jesus is challenging a sinful hard heartedness in Pharisees who will
not celebrate the lost being found, the sinners being saved. They believe they
deserve all the attention, that they have earned it, and that it is theirs by
right. But Jesus came to earth for those who are in need of him, not those who
think he can learn from them, or that he owes them for their efforts. The heart
of this parable is also written right before it where Jesus talks about how the
angels celebrate at the salvation of a lost soul (v.10). As they celebrate, so
too should we. We should love the idea of a sinner being redeemed.
But, though
this is the heart of it, Jesus uses a true human phenomenon to make his point:
the jealousy of one sibling for what another is getting. This is all too
common, and all too real. I have seen this myself in many contexts over time. I
want to say just a few things about how this parable speaks to this.
Firstly, life
isn’t necessarily fair. It is true that some siblings will get more attention
and resources from parents than others, different or even preferential
treatment at times. This is because life doesn’t deal us all the same hand. The
ones in least need are often the ones most independent, and therefore the ones
in least need will often observe that though they might think they deserve more
they don’t get it. This can at times upset them, make them jealous, or
offended.
Don’t think
this way, it is dumb. Everything a parent has is theirs not yours, until it is
yours. Parents have the right to give to one and not the other. Sometimes this
might be genuinely unfair, and if your parent is playing favourites, then you
need to speak to them. But you also need to recognize what is theirs is theirs
to do with as they like, and they often have reasons you don’t understand. They
also have a right to discretion. Equality is a false god.
Secondly,
don’t begrudge your sibling in need getting help when they need it. Don’t
begrudge them getting more help than you got. Don’t think that because one
person gets something they need, you are owed something. You are not. What is
your parents will come to you in time, and when that time comes you will long
for your parent to be there instead of the things you get. Celebrate that you
have a parent who can help someone in need. Not everyone has that, some parents
are too poor, some don’t care. Celebrate that your sibling is getting help, because
they need it. Celebrate your parent giving them more help than they need, that
is called generosity, one or more of your kids might need this one day. It is
part of what family is for.
Thirdly,
everything you have is in some part yours because your parents invested in you,
and they are likely planning to do more and give you more besides. Always be
thankful for this, don’t become entitled. Some people have bad parents, really
bad parents, and I am not talking about this. That’s a different and harder
conversation. But more than likely you had good parents who were just
imperfect, and you have what you have in part because of them. If one of your
brothers or sisters is in need, just roll with it, if they get help you didn’t,
just roll with it, if you get help they didn’t be thankful for it and don’t
lord it over others. Recognize that if you have a parent willing to go above
and beyond for your brother or sister in need, then you likely have a strong support
for yourself as backup when you need it, so cherish it and treat it well. Otherwise
you will put people offside.
Fourthly,
you likely think there is more to it and I am over simplifying things. This can
be true, I admit that. I bet there are many older brothers or sisters like the
prodigal son’s brother who have many good reasons, in their own mind, for being
upset, maybe some of them are justified. Just note that those family issues you
are speaking of exist to one degree or another in every family. And in families
little hurts can build over time because people tend to be less careful with
those that they know really well. Familiarity breeds contempt, and this can
cause lots of minor wounds that can spill over at some point.
But still, I
think many of these issue stem from an unrealistic expectation of fairness. It
is the adult version of the child crying out: “It’s not fair.” Just remember
that, it is likely you got more from your parent than you remember, and the
accounts might balance out in ways you do not expect. Also recognize that when
you feel like things are unfair you are likely to weigh that far higher than
you do when you are getting what you think is fair. This is human nature. Don’t
ignore this trait in yourself, many people have it.
Lastly, don’t
be like the older brother in the parable of the prodigal son. You risk losing
far more than you risk winning by attacking a parent over a situation like them
helping a sibling in need. Praise God you have a parent who will do this, because
not all will. Spend less time meditating on what you think you deserve and more
time being grateful that we have a Lord and God who gives us far and beyond
more grace and mercy than we deserve, including helpful parents.
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