Wifely Submission, Paul and Psalm 45

 

The Bible’s definition of marriage and application of marriage is very different to the concept of modern egalitarian marriage. In modern marriage men and women are simply equal partners in a joint venture, something akin to business partners really, who join together and share the leadership, the load of provision and everything else equally amongst each other. There is not meant to be any leader in this framework, in fact such an idea is anathema. Modern Churches will often teach something much akin to this, but they will add in that this is what Christ taught that marriage was.

However, the Bible never defines marriage this way. A good example is Ephesians 5 which says this,

“22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Eph. 5:22-33).

In this passage Paul defines marriage as a reflection of the gospel of Jesus Christ’s love for his redeemed people, the Church. The modern Church will concede this, but deny the necessary implications of this. Such as that the woman represents the Church and the man represents the Lord Jesus in the relationship, and this speaks to vastly different roles and levels of authority. Indeed, their roles are incredibly different. Which Paul makes explicit.

Women are called to obey their husbands as the Church obeys Jesus. Men are called to lead their wives in the word of God and be willing to give of themselves on her behalf. In this we have the classic patriarchal understanding of marriage, and it comes directly out of Paul’s understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and it is based in the creation account, not culture, “31 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Paul traces his argument back to creation. 

Some like to try and nullify this reading by noting that Ephesians 5:21 says this, “21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” But this exhortation is directed at the Church in general and is part of several clauses given to Christians collectively,

“19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

However, even if we read what Paul says next in light of this verse, all we need note is that all Christians submit to one another in some form, as being members of the body of Christ, and a wife submits to her husband in a unique way, and a man submits himself to leading his wife in a unique way. This harmonizes what Paul says, rather than sets him against himself.

But what also should guide us here is that Paul’s views on marriage are thoroughly consistent with other teachings in the Bible. I want to give a powerful example from the Psalter; Psalm 45. Let’s go through this Psalm, as I believe it is an Old Testament example of the very teaching that Paul is expressing in Ephesians 5.

The Song of a Skilled Writer (v.1)

The Psalmist begins by setting the stage for us. "My heart overflows with a pleasing theme; I address my verses to the king; my tongue is like the pen of a ready scribe" (v.1). This Psalm is a powerfully personal song. The writer says, "My heart overflows..." This isn't a dry, academic exercise. He is caught up in the emotion and the beauty of the occasion. He is inspired. This is important for us to remember. God is not against emotion. God is not against beauty. God is not against art and poetry and song. He invented them. He is the source of all true beauty and all true joy.

He is writing this Psalm for the king. In its immediate context, this was probably written for a Davidic king, perhaps Solomon or another king of Judah on his wedding day. These were moments of national celebration. The stability of the kingdom and the hope of a royal heir were tied up in this wedding.

But notice the description of the writer: "my tongue is like the pen of a ready scribe." This is a skilled craftsman. He is not just babbling. His overflow of emotion is channelled through skill and truth. This is a vital combination for us. We need both passion and truth. Emotion without truth is just empty sentimentality that can lead you anywhere. Truth without emotion is dead orthodoxy that can make you a Pharisee. But when you have truth and emotion, you have worship. This Psalm is a form of worship, and as you will see it encapsulates both the human and divine aspects of marriage, as Paul does in Ephesians 5.

The Glory of the King (vv.2-9)

“2 You are the most handsome of the sons of men; grace is poured upon your lips; therefore God has blessed you forever. 3 Gird your sword on your thigh, O mighty one, in your splendor and majesty! 4 In your majesty ride out victoriously for the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness; let your right hand teach you awesome deeds! 5 Your arrows are sharp in the heart of the king's enemies; the peoples fall under you. 6 Your throne, O God, is forever and ever. The scepter of your kingdom is a scepter of uprightness; 7 you have loved righteousness and hated wickedness. Therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness beyond your companions; 8 your robes are all fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia. From ivory palaces stringed instruments make you glad; 9 daughters of kings are among your ladies of honor; at your right hand stands the queen in gold of Ophir.”

The Psalmist first turns his attention to the bridegroom, the king. And what a description it is, "You are the most handsome of the sons of men; grace is poured upon your lips; therefore God has blessed you forever." (v.2). He starts with the king’s appearance. Now, we know that not every king was necessarily a handsome man. But this is poetry. This is celebrating the ideal. It’s saying that on his wedding day, to his bride, he is the most handsome man in the world. But it quickly moves beyond the physical. True beauty is more than skin deep. "Grace is poured upon your lips..." This king speaks with grace. His words are kind, true, good, and wise. He is not a tyrant who barks orders. He is a man whose speech is saturated with grace. And because of this character, God has blessed him.

Then the Psalmist calls the king to action. "Gird your sword on your thigh, O mighty one, in your splendor and majesty! In your majesty ride out victoriously for the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness; let your right hand teach you awesome deeds!" (vv.3-4). This is a warrior king. But notice what he fights for. Not for his own ego. Not for more land or more slaves. He rides out "for the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness." This is incredible. His strength is used in the service of virtue.

This is a model for all men, especially husbands. Your strength as a man, your "sword," whether that is your physical strength, your intellectual strength, your earning capacity, or your spiritual strength, is not for you. It is to be used in the service of truth, meekness, and righteousness in your home. To protect your wife and children from error, from harm, and from evil. To provide a place where meekness—that is, strength under control—can flourish. This could be an exposition of what Paul says when he notes that a man should cherish his wife, and wash he with the word.

The description of his power continues, "Your arrows are sharp in the heart of the king's enemies; the peoples fall under you." (v.5). This king is victorious and successful. His reign is one of peace achieved through victory. He has dealt with his enemies. This is a safe king to be under, like Aslan, he is safe because he is good.

Then we get to the core of the identity of this king. "Your throne, O God, is forever and ever. The scepter of your kingdom is a scepter of uprightness; you have loved righteousness and hated wickedness. Therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness beyond your companions." (vv.6-7). Note, how the Psalm turns things up a notch with this verse.

This is one of the most important moments in the Old Testament. The Psalmist looks at the Davidic king on his wedding day and, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he calls him God. "Your throne, O God, is forever and ever." The writer to the Hebrews leaves us in no doubt about who this is ultimately about. Hebrews 1:8-9 quotes these very verses and applies them directly to Jesus Christ, “But of the Son he says, 'Your throne, O God, is forever and ever, the scepter of uprightness is the scepter of your kingdom. You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness; therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness beyond your companions.'"

This wedding song is ultimately about Jesus. He is the truly handsome one, full of grace and truth. He is the mighty warrior who girded his sword on his thigh—but his sword was the cross, and he rode out victoriously not to kill his enemies, but to die for them, for the cause of truth, meekness, and righteousness. His arrows are sharp—the piercing conviction of the Holy Spirit that brings people to their knees. His throne is forever and ever. He is God.

And because he loved righteousness and hated wickedness—perfectly, completely, in a way no earthly king ever could—God the Father anointed him with the oil of gladness beyond all others. Jesus is the most joyful being in the universe because he is the most righteous.

The description of the king finishes with the scents of his wedding day. "Your robes are all fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia. From ivory palaces stringed instruments make you glad; daughters of kings are among your ladies of honor; at your right hand stands the queen in gold of Ophir." (vv.8-9). This is a celebration of overwhelming beauty and wealth. It is fit for a king. It is fit for THE King.

The Charge to the Bride (vv.10-15)

“10 Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear: forget your people and your father's house, 11 and the king will desire your beauty. Since he is your lord, bow to him. 12 The people of Tyre will seek your favor with gifts, the richest of the people. 13 All glorious is the princess in her chamber, with robes interwoven with gold. 14 In many-colored robes she is led to the king, with her virgin companions following behind her. 15 With joy and gladness they are led along as they enter the palace of the king.”

Now the Psalmist turns his attention to the bride. This is where it really challenges modern egalitarian views on marriage, and shows how Paul was not being cultural, as this was written centuries before his time. "Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear: forget your people and your father's house," (v.10). This is the same command given to Adam in Genesis 2:24. To leave and cleave. The bride is leaving her old identity, her old family, her old allegiances, to form a new one with her husband. This is a complete and total transfer of loyalty. She is to "forget"—not in the sense of never remembering, but in the sense of no longer being primarily defined by—her past. She is now to centre her life around her husband’s house.

Why should she do this? Well, because this is what God asks of women, but also because of this, "and the king will desire your beauty." (v.11). Her new identity is found in her husband’s desire for her. His delight in her is what now defines her. This is a picture of the gospel. We are called to leave our old life, our old master (sin), and our old identity, and to find our new identity in Christ’s desire for us. He cherishes his bride, his Church. He delights in his people. In many ways marriage is meant to look like the gospel call and vice versa. Marriage is meant to be a living illustration of what the gospel being applied looks like. Leaving your old life behind is what God asks of wives and of converts to Christianity.

Then comes the charge that offends so many modern people, "Since he is your lord, bow to him." (v.11). There it is. The verse that makes modern people squirm because it points to submission. The word "bow" here is the same idea as submission. It is an acknowledgment of his leadership and lordship. As Peter says, “as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord…” (1 Pet. 3:6). The word for ‘lord’ here can also be translated ‘master’ or ‘sir’ which does not change the application at all. It is a marker of respect in the sense of deference. This is not a popular idea today. But we have to ask, why is it here? Is it so the king can dominate his wife? No. Look at the context. It is surrounded by beauty, desire, and honour. Her submission is a response to his love and his leadership. It is her part in the dance.

This is exactly the pattern we see in the New Testament in Paul, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord" (Eph 5:22). And why? Because the husband is charged to love his wife "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Eph 5:25). The husband’s job is to use all of his strength, all of his majesty, all of his victory, for the good of his wife, to make her holy and beautiful (Eph 5:26-27). When a husband leads like that, submission is not a burden; it is a joy and a privilege. It is like the church submitting to Christ.

The Psalmist continues to describe the honour that will be heaped upon this bride. "The people of Tyre will seek your favour with gifts, the richest of the people. All glorious is the princess in her chamber, with robes interwoven with gold. In many-colored robes she is led to the king..." (vv.12-14a). She is honoured by foreign nations. She is glorious, dressed in the finest gold and many-colored robes. This is a picture of being vested with honour and dignity by her husband, and his treatment of her with dignity will cause others to see he with more dignity as well. Our wives are a stewardship men, and how we help them flourish reflects on us.

And then we see the culmination of her journey, "with her virgin companions following behind her. With joy and gladness they are led along as they enter the palace of the king." (vv.14b-15). This is a joyful procession. There is no reluctance here. There is joy and gladness. She is being led to her king, to her home, to her new life, and it is a moment of supreme joy. We see in this the twin applications of marriage and salvation: both enter us into a new life, a new fellowship, and the two are designed to reflect each other and point us more fully towards Jesus.

The Promise of a Legacy (vv.16-17)

“16 In place of your fathers shall be your sons; you will make them princes in all the earth. 17 I will cause your name to be remembered in all generations; therefore nations will praise you forever and ever.”

The Psalm ends by looking to the future, to the legacy of this union, "In place of your fathers shall be your sons; you will make them princes in all the earth." (v.16). The king’s legacy will not be through his ancestors, but through his descendants. His sons will become princes because his marriage is fruitful. It produces a dynasty. This is also a key part of God’s design for marriage; godly offspring (Mal 2:15). It is about building a legacy that will outlive you. Marriage is not just about what you can get out of it today, it is about sowing an inheritance for the future for the good of your family, nation and the Church.

The final verse is a promise of eternal remembrance. "I will cause your name to be remembered in all generations; therefore nations will praise you forever and ever." (v.17). This is a promise that finds its ultimate fulfilment in Jesus Christ. His name is remembered in all generations. Every Sunday, all over the world, in every language, nations praise him. He is the eternal king who marries an eternal bride.

What we see in this Psalm is a clear expression of Paul’s theology of marriage Ephesians 5. Paul clearly based his idea of marriage off of passages like this which show the twin aspects of marriage: it is a relationship between a man and his wife, and it is a picture of Jesus’ love for the Church. This shows that trying to change how we apply Paul’s teaching to make it more inline with modern ideas like egalitarianism means we have to fight with a consistent picture of what marriage is meant to be that comes from the Old Testament as well as the New. Wives were always meant to submit to their husbands and husbands were always meant to lead their wives. This is intrinsic to the biblical concept of marriage. Anything else really is paganism seeking to replace Christian teaching.

Wives obey your husbands in the Lord. Husbands remember your wife is a stewardship and how she turns out largely depends on how you cherish her. If couples work hard to get this beautiful dance right, it will go a long way to healing our nation and our churches.