There is no need to try and prove this because we all know it to be true, just look at selfies, or inane Facebook posts about the most basic situations in life from what time people woke up, to what meal they had, to people telling us all what they are doing right now, even if it is literally nothing except telling us what they are doing right now. People long to be considered special. Some people want to be loved by everybody, like Michael Scott who put it this way, “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not! I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.” We can laugh at this because we all know someone like this, and if you don’t it’s likely you are that person. Then there are those people who pretend that they are ok being islands, in need of nobody, but even the Arrow has Felicity, Diggle and an ever growing bunch of people who know who he really is and even on the island he had so many friends and acquaintances it boggles the mind. My point? Everyone wants to be special to someone. This is my segway into my third part of my three part blog in reference to discernment. I said I would deal with this quote:
If you listen to some of the most influential teachers in the world, (of
the seeker-driven, evangelical and charismatic variety), across denominations,
rather than hearing the word of God opened, and our sinfulness and need for the
atonement of Jesus expounded and the clear teaching of each text explained
clearly; you will hear passage after passage misquoted to be about how special
we are, how sin stops us from realizing our potential, how all we need is a
clear purpose and we can make a difference in this world; and the scary thing
is, most people don’t have an issue with this, they see this as solid Bible
teaching (Matthew Littlefield,
Discernment Must No Longer Be A Spiritual Gift).
I
now want to deal with the statement “you
will hear passage after passage misquoted to be about how special we are, how
sin stops us from realizing our potential.” Some of you probably thought I
would never get to this one because I deviated down a different path in my last
blog, but the truth is I needed time to think and pray about how to deal with
this statement. Why? Well because as I said we all want to be seen as special,
and it’s so easy to attack that notion as narcissistic, ego-centrism, that is
plaguing our culture, and I would be partly right, considering how it is the
obsession of so many in our society. But the truth is, like so many other
things, this is just a natural desire that has spiralled out of control because
of sin and to be helpful I want to try and bring some course correcting.
You
see, God knows that we have a desire to be seen as special because he placed
that desire in us. Parents know it because we see how our children look up to
us with those cute little eyes seeking affirmation. But it is important to
realize this: if we find our joy in self-esteem, or if we try to balance our
lives by thinking about how awesome we are, then we have really placed our joy
on thin ice, with cracks in it, and someone is holding a flame thrower
underneath it…in other words we are looking to the wrong place for our joy.
To
explore this I want us to look at Psalm 139, you know the one, it contains
these famous words people often use to affirm themselves: “13 For you created my inmost
being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am
fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full
well” (NIV). I reckon if there was a top ten list of Bible verses
likely to be found in a devotional, on a fridge magnet, or bookmark that this
one would be in the top three. Why? Because people have been taught to look at
this verse as an amazing affirmation of how awesome they are in God’s eyes, we
are God’s masterpiece, his amazing creation. And you know what? There is some
truth in the fact that we are amazing works of God.
I
once asked a man what was something amazing about God. He said “Airplanes.” I
was like, “What?” He replied that a God who could create people to make
something like a jumbo jet fly, well that is an awesome God. What I love about
this statement from this older Christian bloke was that he got what David was
saying in this Psalm. You see David is not seeking to affirm himself in this Psalm by talking about
what a wonderful art of creation he is; no, David’s aim in writing this Psalm
was worship of the awesome God.
In
the first six verses he praises God for his ability to know everything, about
him, and everything else. In verse 7-12, he worships God because of his
incredible ability to be everywhere at once, and to know what is happening no
matter where David is. Then in verses 13-16 he writes those famous words that
speak about the creation of every human being, from his own perspective, but
notice that his emphasis is not on self-affirmation, but on worship still, “I
praise you…” he says to God. Like my friend, David looks at this awesome
creation, and at himself, and this causes him to praise God. He does not use
this to build up his self-esteem.
And
the result is even better than if he had used such thoughts to build himself
up, because instead of placing his joy in how he thinks about himself, he
places his joy in how he thinks and feels about the God who created everything.
Ask yourself this? Who is the person who lets you down the most in life?
Yourself, maybe? We often let ourselves down. We make commitments to change and
then don’t, we make commitments to lose weight then eat so much KFC and
chocolate cake it takes a month to work it off, or we do some really seriously
bad things that hurt people. The truth is if we place our hope for joy in
seeing ourselves as special, we have placed it in the wrong place, because
sooner or later we will break our own hearts. But God, he is our eternal
reward, he does not let us down, because he is perfect, and in him is fullness
of joy for eternity (Ps. 16:11). It’s better to look to God for our joy, not in
self-affirmation.
It’s
obvious that David was feeling down in the dumps when he wrote Psalm 139,
because he is obviously under attack from some bad people (verses 19-22), plus
he ends with these words: “23
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See
if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” David
is anxious, he is down about something. But he is also realistic, he knows that
he is a sinner as well, so he asks God to search for that in him, and then lead
him in the everlasting way. David does not seek to assuage his anxiety about himself
by looking in the mirror and saying how awesome he is, because that is not
biblical wisdom, that is late 20th century narcissistic pop
psychology designed to help people make it in the corporate world. No he turns
his thoughts to worship of God, and asks God to make him a better man, one who
walks in the way everlasting, being led by God. Ultimately, the way everlasting
is Jesus. Remember, Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life, no
one can come to the Father except through me” (John 14:6). In his
moment of self-doubt and anxiety the righteous David turned his thoughts in
worship to this awesome God who made a way for us.
If
we are down on ourselves, feeling blue and feeling deeply our cry to be seen as
special, pop psychology will tell us to look to how awesome we really are, and
look at all the things we can offer this world, that we are unique, and there
is no one quite like us, and the world just needs us to shine. Pop Christian
teachers will tell you basically the same thing, but place the biblical spin
that you should meditate on how God sees you, so that you can build up your
self-esteem and feel better about yourself. And you know what there are times
when we need to hear God loves us and that when we believe in him he makes us
his children (1 John 3:1-3) and that we are his special possession (1 Peter
2:9-10). But even in the midst of doing this, the Bible says don’t stop there,
move one step further: look to the God who loves you and place your hope
ultimately in him. Sing his praises, not your own.
To
fix your eyes upon Jesus (cf. Heb. 12:1-3), not on yourself, to look beyond
yourself to God, this is the Christian way, and the way of joy. If we look to
ourselves, we are setting up ourselves to fail, guaranteed. But if we find our
joy in God, I tell you what, the need for a boost in self-esteem tends to
disappear, and we move into this crazy awesome thing I call God-esteem; that is
finding our joy in God, not in ourselves.
Over
the course of our life, our joy will rise and fall, due to circumstances in
this life, because we are human beings, fallen people, but if we press to find
our joy in who God is, it will become more stable and more trustworthy, because
he is not like us, he does not change, he is constantly, and always awesome
beyond anyone and anything else in existence.
Let
me leave you with the words of John Piper which I think are incredibly
insightful:
Our Fatal error is believing that wanting to be happy means wanting to be
made much of. It feels so good to be affirmed. But the good feeling is finally
rooted in the worth of self, not the worth of God. This path to happiness is
illusion. And there are clues. There are clues in every human heart even before
conversion to Christ. One of those clues is that no one goes to the Grand
Canyon or the Alps to increase his self-esteem. That is not what happens in
front of massive deeps and majestic heights. But we do go there, and we go for
joy. How can that be, if being made much of is the center of our health and
happiness? The answer is that it is not the center. In wonderful moments of
illuminations there is a witness in our hearts: soul health and great happiness
come not from beholding a great self but a great splendour. (John Piper, God is the Gospel)
May your happiness be founded in the
solid rock that is Jesus.